I'm Holly Tarry

I'm a writer, thinker and coach for badass women managing toxic relationships in their daily lives.

My decade of studying power in relationships as a professional lobbyist left me unable to deny the troubling power dynamics all over women's intimate lives.

I understand there's no escaping the patriarchy, it's delusional to deny the juice we're stewed in. And I don't know anyone who has completely rid their lives of toxic relationships.

But we can use the power and access we have to create justice in our families...for ourselves, our kids, and the world around us.🌎

Here's the thing...

We despise the patriarchy, even as we are benefitted by it.

We are at the table, in the room, approximate to the unearned power of it. We are intimately harmed by it.

But there's so much potential power in our positioning, too, if we are willing to be laborers for justice instead of just allies.

We are on the margins of the patriarchy's inner circle. We are loved and needed by power-holders. which means we are uniquely positioned to influence them and hold them to account. It's time we use our clout and proximity to create more justice in the world.💗

We start by dismantling patriarchal conditioning in our homes and our own minds. That's where we can make the most impact AND where we can set ourselves and our kids the most free.

My husband and I built a relationship based on strict gender roles, just as we were taught, and it manifested in toxic dynamics from the start.

I've always felt strongly about justice outside of my own privileged family, but I was walking on eggshells at home trying to keep the patriarchy comfortable. 🚩

It took seeing my son start the eggshell walk to notice this hypocrisy. I felt desperate to break toxic generational patterns instead of passing them on to him.

Along the way I decided the most I could do to dismantle the patriarchy for myself, my kid and the world was the all same thing...dismantle it closest in.

My marriage was, and is, sexist, middle-class, cishet, white and very challenging. Sometimes I'm thriving in it, sometimes I'm managing, but I'm always nudging it toward justice and love. That's what I want to build in the patriarchy's place.

Even though (and because) it carries the the most risk-of-loss to us personally, the greatest impact we can have is to confront OUR OWN husband, OUR OWN boss, OUR OWN parents and OUR OWN conditioning, in addition to protesting in the street.

We Are The

Patriarchy Smashers

🔥WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR🔥